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SPOILER ALERT. This post contains spoilers from “Yellowstone,” Season 5, Episode 7, “The Dream Is Not Me,” which premiered Sunday, December 18 on the Paramount Network.

Last week’s Yellowstone was a leisurely ride through the ranch that served to showcase the culture of The Gather, which is essentially a community party celebrating cattle branding. But things get academic in this week’s episode, with plenty of talk about pipelines, land deals, cattle disease and the future of the beef industry. Continuing the summary.

  • Maybe I’m just a no-good coastal elitist, but Young Rip (Kyle Redd Silverstein) went from “chivalrous” to “psychic” when he nearly beat his wife to death just because she talked about the woman he loved. Even with a knife drawn on him…slow it down with your words, you animals.
  • Furthermore, this rugged cowboy (Kai Caster) is called A bully?!? Young Rip. Rowdy’s reputation precedes him having such a name, so maybe only fight him under extreme circumstances. He is known to be a bully.
  • Correction: Young Rip for real did beat Rowdy to death. yes
  • This anecdote explains the relationship between Rip and John (Kevin Costner) quite clearly. Good story!
  • Jamie (Wes Bentley) would definitely benefit from therapy, but not from anyone he sleeps with.
  • Ugh, Jamie is so sick of Sarah (Dawn Olivieri) and her bullshit… how can she not realize she’s being played?
  • Wow, is Brazil really going to overtake the US cattle industry as Sarah describes? Apparently so…
  • “Look at all the whores…” Ah, Beth, never change.
  • from course Summer (Piper Perabo) has a really annoying attitude about marriage. It’s early morning, Summer. No one has had coffee yet.
  • A great question from poor, sweet Monica (Kelsey Asbile) to Beth. “Why are you so mean?”
  • I googled “brucellosis” and it sounds pretty nasty. It can also make people sick. In related news, Yellowstone will have Pop-Up video notes on the screen to occasionally explain cowboy stuff to the town’s goons. That would clear everything up.
  • Are the cowboys and cowgirls just suffocating Summer by forcing her to help the cattle? It’s obvious he’s injured and: terrible at it.
  • There’s no way Rip can go down and live with the cattle in a new country, right? Beth would kill him.
  • Doesn’t Yellowstone Ranch have $1.4 million a month to spend on this cattle move? I thought the Duttons were rich as hell. They have their own helicopter.
  • Oh, John is going to get roughed up politically because he had to take out a loan.
  • Beth and John have never talked about finances before. How is Beth shocked by the business model?
  • Jamie, listen to your assistant Kate (Maria Julian). He’s probably the only person on this show who has your best interest in mind.
  • Love Jamie modeling well.
  • Oh no, they’re going to try to impeach John. In fact, come to think of it… it might be for the best. He really doesn’t seem to care about the job or his constituents at all.
  • So… the ranch’s finances could be in tatters because John never Googled any competitors to see if they were doing business online. Beth didn’t do any deep research and cracked the code pretty quickly. Frustratingly, Yellowstone’s downfall may be that John is a boomer fuddy-duddy.
  • Place your bets. Who will face off at the county fair?
  • Ah, Teeter (Jennifer Landon). Your unintelligible accent and shocking libido are a gift to this show.
  • I think Summer is right. This is the cutest kidnapping ever.
  • Wait… is Clara (Lily Kaye) participating in the first weird makeover of this show? IMPORTANT NEWS. Yellowstone has always been boringly straight…let’s spice it up a bit.
  • Jamie’s speech is repetitive…practice it when you’re less cuckolded.
  • I know the episode is technically over, but I’m obsessed with wondering who else should have a gay romance on Yellowstone. Could Martin Sheen star as one of John’s long-lost cowboy friends hoping for one last ride? Will Summer and Beth get into another fight that turns into something… more? Will one of Jamie’s Harvard fraternity brothers (played by, say, Ian Somerhalder) come to aid him in his legal battle against John and offer… unexpected companionship? The possibilities are endless, please share any great ideas in the comments.

See you next Sunday night.


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