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I’ve reached a point in my life where I want to settle down, but I recently had a disagreement with a friend about my priorities, and I’d appreciate your perspective. I am 46 years old, single with a college education and make $210,000 not counting my annual bonus. I paid off my student loans and own a home. It’s worth about $700,000 and has $400,000 left on the mortgage. Here is my problem. I want to meet a rich man. Is it so wrong?

My friend expressed concern when I told him, but I see wealth as a sign that someone is ambitious and has high goals. I’m sick of dating losers. The last person I met lived in the same rent-controlled apartment for about 20 years. It’s the size of my dining room. I know that living in rent controlled housing is something that is sought after in a city like Los Angeles and the surrounding area. Maybe it was okay when he was in his 20s. But now he is almost 50 years old.

Am I being too judgmental? When I expressed my feelings that I would limit my search to meeting a rich man, my friend looked at me and took a long, slow sip of his Margarita. It was to show his displeasure. But I’ve worked hard to have what I have, and I see nothing wrong with wanting a partner who has the same level of assets and ambitions as me. I work as an interior designer and my business continues to grow.

P.S. I come from an upper-middle-class family that has always worked for what it has. My parents were both successful realtors.

For single holidays

Dear Single,

If you object to someone for earning less than your annual salary, be prepared for an even richer person to do the same to you.

There are plenty of people making a quarter of what you make who would rightfully consider themselves winners. The median household income in the US hovers around $71,000 per year. It’s better to view your own income as a gift rather than a barometer by which you can measure or judge others.

There’s a big difference between wanting to date a guy who’s “rich” and/or has a job and is financially independent, and describing someone you’ve dated as a “loser.” Your girlfriend may have slowly rolled her eyes at it. Perceptions of what it means to be rich are relative.

The first suggests that you believe that you are bearing the same “yield” on your relationship that you earned and/or inherited from your parents during your lifetime. (That inheritance may include an education that enabled you to go to college and/or money you inherited from your parents.)

The second assumes that anyone who hasn’t had the same opportunities as you, or who hasn’t chosen a job that also pays, such as teaching, nursing, or social work, some of the most important professions in the world, is unfit. . Neither of these positions suit me well.

Nearly half of people who date said in this survey that financial transparency makes them more comfortable at the beginning of a relationship. In other words, money is important. And yet, more than a third of people have hidden debt from their partner. Translation: They know money matters.

That said, using wealth as one filter for looking for a life partner can limit your choices and place your desire for material things or a certain “lifestyle” above other important criteria: humility, kindness, intelligence, compassion, etc. don’t have Instagram META,
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filters for that.

Baby boomers are expected to pass up to $68 trillion in wealth to younger generations over the next 20 years, according to projections from the Investment Company Institute, the global association of regulated funds. It will be the largest intergenerational transfer in history.

Some of that wealth will be in the form of property. The world is not built fairly or justly. Black homeownership rates hover around 45%, according to recent estimates, while white homeownership rates hover around 75%. (Amid redlining, the 2008 housing crisis, and other structural barriers, black Americans are also far more likely than their white counterparts to be turned down for mortgages.)

“Using wealth as a life partner filter can limit your choices and place your desire for material things or a certain ‘lifestyle’ above other important criteria.”»

Before congratulating ourselves on where we are in life, it’s important to do a reality check on where we started. You want to find a life partner who has a similar or larger bank balance than you. They may or may not share your views on life, financial goals regardless of their net worth or income, or have similar views on rich and poor.

Most people are just lucky enough to own a home. The median income needed to buy a typical U.S. home has risen to $88,300, nearly $40,000 more than it was before the pandemic began, Lawrence Yun, chief economist for the National Association of Realtors, said last month.

Silicon Valley’s commercialization of people’s personal lives, the lucrative intersection of finance and romance that has people swiping left or right on a carousel of pictures, has brought new meaning to the dating market. And it is a market, a carousel of smiling faces, hoping for their dream game.

People swipe right or left based on a variety of factors. Dating sites like Hinge, Match.com MTCH,
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Tinder and OKCupid are full of de facto economic indicators. Consciously or not, singles use financial filters when choosing partners based on lifestyle, real estate and clothing.

A picture can tell a lot more about a person than they care to reveal. So it’s hard to criticize you for something that most people do in countless other ways. Just be careful with the words you use and try not to let any aspect of life, no matter how important it is to you, cloud your judgment.

If you’re looking at dollar signs and real estate, you may be missing out on the other factors that go into a happy relationship. Do you share the same values? Does he listen when you have something important to say? Is he consistent? Is he true to his word? Does he share his time generously?

Dating a rich guy won’t make you happy, even if one person’s “rich” is another’s “moderately well off.” The harsh truth is, you’re not the first person to want to use wealth as a green light to swipe right, and you won’t be the last. Just don’t change yourself in all other areas.

You can email Moneyist with any financial and ethical questions related to the coronavirus at [email protected] and follow Quentin Fottrell. Twitter:

Check it out Moneyist’s private Facebook group where we seek answers to life’s toughest money questions. Readers write to me with all sorts of dilemmas. Post your questions, tell me what you want to know more about, or weigh in on the latest Moneyist columns.

Moneyist regrets not being able to answer questions individually.

More from Quentin Fottrell:

“I feel so betrayed.” who should get my mother’s diamond rings? My late sister left them to her daughter-in-law. What options do I have?

I sold my late mother’s house for $250,000. I make $80,000 and have $220,000 in student debt. I want to buy a house. Do I have to use my entire inheritance for a down payment?

“This boy touched me a lot.” my date chose an exclusive restaurant in Los Angeles. After lunch he accepted my credit card and we split the $600 bill. Shouldn’t he have paid?

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